Bad Suns - Cardiac Arrest
i’ll try my best
how much do i invest
like cardiac arrest,
high voltage when we kiss
i’m pretty sure my two least favorite words are introvert + extrovert
would you rather live a week in the past or in the future?
i like to think that once i hit 15 or 16 and i was at the age where everyone adopted a carpe diem philosophy, i jumped on board. this mindset allowed me to stop living in the past and to start grabbing life by the balls and all that jazz that the inspirational posters in your high school guidance counselor’s office tell you.
i don’t think that philosophy has 100% sunk in with me yet.
i’d like to say that i could live a week in the future, but frankly i think the unknown is better kept a mystery. when i look at it this way, if i was poofed to my future and i lived there for a week and it sucked, then i would just be hella paranoid that whole week & people from my future life would notice that i was being uncool and then i’d probably go american psycho on them and then get arrested.
on the other hand, if my future self was a dope bitch, like i am now, then i’d end my week in my cool future life and come back to this sad, weird state of life that i’m in now and feel pressured to make my life be cool.
i’ve never been good with thinking about planning ahead. planning my future has always led to hardcore anxiety for me. i remember days when i was in preschool and i found out that when most kids went to college, they left home. i cried for a whole day & lost sleep over it for like a week. i think all the time about everything and when it finally comes to big decisions i just do. i’ve trained my tired brain to stop thinking weeks and months ahead and just focus on the now or immediate future. i obviously don’t do asinine things that will negatively effect me down the road, which i think is my pay off. i act well, i don’t have to think so hard. that sounds terrible.
i don’t think much about going backwards either. i never have any immense regret about decisions i’ve made or actions i’ve taken in my past. sure there are things i would alter about my past, but everything happens for a reason right? no need to stress out about the things that already happen. i think i’d like to go back and live a week in my past. maybe when i was 15, which was one of the harder of my formative years. i think going back would just be amusing. that’s all. i wouldn’t try to change anything, just react the way i would have to situations that were happening to me. it was only a few years ago, but i kind of forget the way i formulated opinions and decisions back then.
i think that living a week in the past would be a good reminder of who i still am and who i am not anymore.